SOME BACK STORY HERE:
I had reposted a picture of some sorts about a daughter not needing to beg her dad for a relationship. And since his wife has deleted me over a small falling out for a couple months ago in May. I can post freely (and right now I think I'd post anyway...) My dad contacted me right before hitting the deer the other night on 9/29/15. I didn't respond right away. He was asking to get together sometime this next week. Which would put us over our quota for the year (only see him 2-3x a year). I was pushed by my good husband who pushed me to spend last Christmas Eve with him (2014), to approach my problems, but still am pretty hesitant/wanting for that relationship. So up til today we were good. He'd texted me early Thursday (9/29/15) and I called him earlier today (10/2/15) I had called my dad earlier, he within 5 minutes told me he had someone at the door and he'd call soon. He didn't. Not after hours. I waited for his call and eventually gave up, disappointed. But at the same time-when he called I answered asap. it was less than 7 minutes. In that time I told him I'd go visit FL during my birthday (to go visit the son he'd rejected - or say rejected his 1st family) I was so fearful to tell him years ago that I'd met him without his knowing. Traveled over 1,000 miles to meet his son and his ex-wife. I was afraid he'd disown me. It wasn't until he was in a depressed state that I felt that was the last chance to tell him the truth. All he was worried about was my safety. That this "brother" of mine wasn't a mass killer. It was good... but at the same time, I knew how similar we all were. This conversation about Florida wasn't too long, except that he knew I wasn't going to Disney World with the kids. Didn't have to tell him anything less or more. He told me to be safe...
He'd be this weekend, Colorado, at a Bronco's game, which his been his grown-up dream. In one sense, it was good sharing.. and not feeling disowning or anything. But at the same time.. Wish he'd be the father I could just talk to. My conversation with my husband lasted 15 minutes. I got enough out, knowing though he's gone more and farther away I'd see him more than I would my dad. I'm saying this more for my own thoughts. That even though I say I don't care if my earthly father isn't here or doesn't pay as much attention to me. He may not call me on my birthdays... My husband is the man I need to put my effort into. And even if not him, my Heavenly Father. My Heavenly Father has restored my marriage with my husband... That ultimately I pray restores the relationship with my father. And though, that's unlikely a man like him will change his ways... Though he's changed a lot in the last 10 years, I cannot depend on the kindness and openness and love the believe in my heart that every daughter deserves. It is not earned



Blessed are the hearts that can bend; they shall never be broken.
Albert Camus