Cherish {August 21, 2010}

Well, I am cherishing my time with Lucas and with Mike. I know that our lives are going to completely change - again - when Zoey comes into our beautiful family picture! I am sooo excited to meet her, and I'm ready to be finished with being pregnant -- and at the same time, I'm really in no rush considering labor is just scary in the thought it may not be as easy or like it was with Lucas. But I have faith and I know it'll be over before I know it and it will be 100% worth it. So not letting that stress me out. I guess I'm more concerned about Lucas and him getting jelouse or confused with Zoey. But I will remember him and it's hard to even think now that I can love another being as much as I love him. I know we are to love our spouses more than our children - or at least a different way - and I do... but it's still sooo hard to imagine I do! I guess it kinda comes down to that I'm not sure if I want any more kids after this one, because I want a life with my husband at some time... And at this point, by the time our kids get out of high school, we will be in our 40's. Which, is still very young - a lot younger than what my mom was when I graduated - by 8 years!

So, it's just a waiting game. i've been super tired lately - I don't remember being this tired last time at this point in my pregnancy but I do remember having bad back pain and it was just soo hard for me to sleep in the first place. I have just set up bad sleeping habits the last few weeks. I stay up til 4am (it's going on 5am now) and sleep all day (Lucas sleeps til 11am-noon) and then take a nap when he does and who knows even sleep when Mike gets home for a lil while. I either play on the computer or clean or whatever while everyone else is asleep. I like to clean the kitchen at night -- something about waking up to a clean kitchen with all the dishes clean, etc. I also spend time with the puppy. It's usually nice outside and if I wasn't pregnant I might be a lil more gutsy to go take the dog for a walk at this time of night but I'm pregnant and anymore -- you just don't know... So I stay home and play with him.

Mike has had good work hours and gets some drive time money so that helps. We're paying off debt and getting ready for the baby. Both living rooms are painted and so is the dining room. We are slowly getting the bedroom wallpaper off and we might paint the kitchen but I'm not holding my breath. Things are settling in. I wish we spent more time with friends and some family but we just get so comfortable, especially since Mike works so hard. He doesn't have to go to school until after my birthday in November, which seems later than before, but it works!

I'm filming our neighbor's wedding today, just because.. for free... It's not going to have HD cameras or anything like my job at First Kiss, but I bet I can actually give them a better product... But that's my opinion -- and Mike's... and a few others.. anyway..
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Zoey is very active but I've noticed - not once have I gotten kicked in the ribs! Not like I did with Lucas! She just rolls around in there and sticks her foot out. It's an amazing feeling and I know I'll miss that about pregnancy. I don't mind being pregnant, or the heat... but I've been just about pregnant it seems for two years and I'd like to let go of some responsibilities. But I should be getting to bed... I just edited this last week's video footage because I know today I will be busy with the camera not at home so we'll skip that day and yeah... Just wanted to update quickly.

Two Is Better Than One {August 2, 2010}

So the last half month has been good. Taking my pills on a regular basis, every day, really helps. Sure there's stress - but that's what I want. I just want to feel a little normal without being numb etc, as I believe I've expressed. I still want to feel. It's hard though with a lil boy who's teething. Some days are good, other days I just want to give him up for a day or two hours or five minutes. Mike doesn't always understand unless he's alone with Lucas, and I don't believe he fully understands this is my life, everyday (even when he's here). It's frustrating and hard. Not to mention Lucas is getting soo heavy and I am just expected to do it all. Seriously, I am just about. Mike will do some, but he's slacked off a bit. He was helping me really well for a while and now it's not so much. Shopping is impossible with Lucas, even almost with the two of us. So getting out of the house is just as much of a hassle than staying in. Mike has made comments when I've asked him to take Lucas with him (even upstairs while he plays on the computer), that I stay home and he works all day so I can keep Lucas. I've tried to let him know I am with Lucas ALL the Time... but, no, his freedom is a lot more important - he's made that almost pretty clear to me now... Just makes me wonder how I'm going to manage during the day without Mike's help with a new born and Lucas. I think he'll do fine if he's not teething, etc. but what if he is and how will he respond to the baby and why did we get a puppy? LOL.

I miss working. I did some freelance work for ProVideo - that was different but nice. Beautiful place out in Solon called The Celebration Barn. My last wedding is this weekend here in town.

Tomorrow I turn 36 weeks pregnant. It's hard to believe that my life is going to be flipped around, again. But hopefully the last in a while....

Beauticontrol products have helped my feet and aching body.
I'm taking care of my skin more often, like my face.

I sleep way too late and stay up too late. It's hard to sleep, that's partly why. But it's not cool sleeping til 2pm. Lucas does the same. I think he's growing again, he sleeps tons!

That's really about it. Just stayed inside... Loving life better now more... and just craving for Mike's love and by that I don't mean sex etc. but maybe a little of what we started off as. I love the song "lead me" by Sanctus Real... but yeah. We are getting along better and I communicate better with him and he's not smoked for a month now I think... I'm so proud of him! He's been handling it well and the stress, etc. but "i still feel alone"

Two is better than one.