Son's Gonna Rise {March 15, 2010}

Current Music: Citizen Cope - Son's Gonna Rise
Current Mood: Torn, but alright

So I guess I'm just writing to get my thoughts out there. My mom came by today because she had a doctor's appointment and decided to come visit us. I do enjoy her visits. No one else really comes to visit us. Not Mike's parents, no one. We go to visit them, but to be honest sometimes I just get sick of always going over there we just don't go and then they don't see Lucas and then I feel bad then I just give in. Tom used to stop by with any excuse I think just to see Lucas. It just makes me wonder if it's always going to be like that... Like I've offered to go out and take pictures with them and even bond, but... I don't know.

And on that note, holidays... I have yet to really know what to do with them. My mom doesn't want to spend every Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter getting together with Mike's family. Not that she doesn't like them, because she does, but what about our family like Aunt Pat and Uncle Don and Papa? My mom might not do anything 'special' with tons of family (and she doesn't think it's bad Mike's family is soo.... family oriented) but they're still family. The couple people I thought to be important enough to invite to the wedding (because they replace my grandparents). But Mike always plays it off like "I don't know how much longer I have with my grandparents" and complains that we don't do anything and that we can get together with my family 'whenever.' It really hurt my mom about Christmas this last year. And it just seems like she always gets put on the back burner - and this isn't just Her feeling about this, it's mine, and it breaks my heart. Mike can be so selfish - though I can too. I just see this ordeal of - I married into a big family, and I change all my stuff to fit it and it doesn't seem like he considers my feelings on it. I know Kendra and Tom do, because they make an effort to invite us and make it clear that it's okay not to go with their plans. I respect that. I just hope that after I talk with Mike today about Easter - that things will seem more hopeful for the future.

The last couple days have been spring. Day light savings time has been nice, it's been so beautiful and I've been waking up early and feeling soo motivated! Lucas began walking with his car that helps him learn to walk. I know it's cool now, but it'll be frustrating once he's officially mobile. It has to happen sometime though, just wish he'd crawl a lil bit longer. You can just literally watch him learn things and it's soo neat to watch and it's hard to stop or tell him no. He doesn't much listen to "no" but he knows what it means. The only time he does is when he's really tired and just begins to cry. Other times he just looks back and smiles and continues. Really gotta work with him on that. Anyway - Mike came home yesterday from work and was so motivated he cleaned out the garage entirely. I was really hoping he'd work on my car, but I know I should just be grateful he didn't just come inside and play video games all night or lay around... Because he stayed out there all night cleaning, so yay, and who knows, maybe he's saving my car for a nicer day with a clean garage...? I've been using my phone as a radio, or Lucas and I just sing, which is always good too.

The only change in the pregnancy is that I can feel the baby flutter. With Lucas it was about 20 or 23 weeks, I'm not sure but it was a day after my birthday that I officially felt it... So I saw that as my 'birthday gift' from the baby. I do love that part about pregnancy, just love it, and even missed it when it was gone. So, it's neat that I'm feeling that and knowing what I'm feeling. I'm 16 weeks today. My appointment with the new doctor's office is next wednesday and then on Friday. Title 19 will usually pays for 2 ultra sounds but I'm okay with just one since I went to the doctor so late. I'm just curious on the sex. I'm excited though Mike's already joking (and I think it's a joke but it doesn't quiet help me...) about how I can have the 'new' baby and he can have the 'old' which --- I guess is fine in a sense but I'm going to be home all the time with them both and then he's going to come home and just take care of Lucas? That just doesn't sound right. It's bad enough I feel he doesn't do enough now or help me out. Sometimes I get soo frustrated when we're about to go somewhere because rarely ever does he help getting Lucas ready or he somehow complains. But I have learned that instead of just getting mad, I actually say something and since I'm so used to do it all on my own I just don't expect him to help after that because he gets an attitude or he's busy with a game or just feels bad since I said something. I'm not sure, but it's just hard.

The boy is up from his nap. Bath time, then I think we'll walk the mall or something. Toys R Us or something. Fun. It's colder outside today... so no walks outside. Looking forward to nicer weather though!