Two Is Better Than One {August 2, 2010}

So the last half month has been good. Taking my pills on a regular basis, every day, really helps. Sure there's stress - but that's what I want. I just want to feel a little normal without being numb etc, as I believe I've expressed. I still want to feel. It's hard though with a lil boy who's teething. Some days are good, other days I just want to give him up for a day or two hours or five minutes. Mike doesn't always understand unless he's alone with Lucas, and I don't believe he fully understands this is my life, everyday (even when he's here). It's frustrating and hard. Not to mention Lucas is getting soo heavy and I am just expected to do it all. Seriously, I am just about. Mike will do some, but he's slacked off a bit. He was helping me really well for a while and now it's not so much. Shopping is impossible with Lucas, even almost with the two of us. So getting out of the house is just as much of a hassle than staying in. Mike has made comments when I've asked him to take Lucas with him (even upstairs while he plays on the computer), that I stay home and he works all day so I can keep Lucas. I've tried to let him know I am with Lucas ALL the Time... but, no, his freedom is a lot more important - he's made that almost pretty clear to me now... Just makes me wonder how I'm going to manage during the day without Mike's help with a new born and Lucas. I think he'll do fine if he's not teething, etc. but what if he is and how will he respond to the baby and why did we get a puppy? LOL.

I miss working. I did some freelance work for ProVideo - that was different but nice. Beautiful place out in Solon called The Celebration Barn. My last wedding is this weekend here in town.

Tomorrow I turn 36 weeks pregnant. It's hard to believe that my life is going to be flipped around, again. But hopefully the last in a while....

Beauticontrol products have helped my feet and aching body.
I'm taking care of my skin more often, like my face.

I sleep way too late and stay up too late. It's hard to sleep, that's partly why. But it's not cool sleeping til 2pm. Lucas does the same. I think he's growing again, he sleeps tons!

That's really about it. Just stayed inside... Loving life better now more... and just craving for Mike's love and by that I don't mean sex etc. but maybe a little of what we started off as. I love the song "lead me" by Sanctus Real... but yeah. We are getting along better and I communicate better with him and he's not smoked for a month now I think... I'm so proud of him! He's been handling it well and the stress, etc. but "i still feel alone"

Two is better than one.