So Easter weekend was just yet another weekend that was a strain on our marriage. It had been the 3rd weekend in a row that we just didn't get along and upset at each other - just about the whole time. It gets old and it's discouraging and just hard to give and give when you're not getting anything back. But Easter itself was good. Had it here at our home and it was a good good meal (leftovers were delicious!) and the company was good too.
Mike had to leave for Des Moines on Easter evening and so that was a bummer - but honestly I didn't feel as if I'd miss him as much as usual when he goes away for the week. I just needed a break, in my own home, with my son. I made a joke about "well who am I going to fight with all week..." but - that's the point... No one. My mom came over and she annoyed me one day - but that's her and I expect that - haha. But I didn't start problems with Mike while he was at school or whatever... Didn't expect an email.. it's just like.. I quit expecting things. I've just given up in some areas and that hurts -- but at the same time, it prevented hurt. Sometimes I feel I just need to let go of some things and just live life how I want to and just stay out of his. Even the smallest letdown - like him calling me right after class and starting a small, conversation and here I thought, "oh, he's just calling out of the blue -- he never does this - this is nice." but later to find out he wanted something for me to do for him. That hurt. But I let it go.
So he comes back home and the weekend went well. Hardly saw each other - but it went well. Friday he got home and we got along, then I had to head off right away to Iowa City for a rehearsal dinner for the videographing job I just started. Got home, watched some TV, went to bed. Saturday, woke up early, got ready for the wedding in Iowa City, which was a nice first experience, and got home by 9:30 pm just to relax and go to bed. Mike took Lucas to the park that day - I love hearing him do things like that with Lucas - and not just sitting around home playing video games (which is what I usually expect when I'm working and he's watching Lucas). Then Sunday I made plans to hang out with my mom since the day before I worked so she let me sleep in, Mike got up nicely and then began to start mowing the lawn. AMAZED! Mom decided to take Lucas and I up to Iowa City/Tiffin for her birthday and that was a great day spent with her, later meeting up with some of her friends at a park - that wasn't bad. So we came home and Mike then later got home and after Lucas' nap - we went for an evening walk around our neighborhood that lasted about an hour. was maybe the best day I've had in a really long time that not only included Mike in some of it, but my mom and Lucas. That stroll at night just kinda ended it perfect and we went to bed happy.
Monday has gone by okay. Mike spent most of the evening trying to find the Netflix BluRay that we've turned over the house looking for. We've looked everywhere. Where it shouldn't be.. where it should.. my car, etc. So he claimed it lost in the mail because I remember getting it ready to be mailed but me being me... I probably mailed it and forgot but then that means they lost it.. but I would rather say I lost it but yeah. We expected to pay for it, but... I guess we don't have to now. We'll return it if we find it but doubt it. And I got up in the attic and Mike handed me broken moving boxes up their to get more room downstairs and so that was nice I couldn't have done it without him. And he finally called US Cellular to fix our service and save us money after three months of asking him.
So all in all... Mike is like slowly changing and I'm trying not to be mad and communicating with him, etc. But as he's doing these simple little things I have to keep in mind that usually when he does start doing better - and I don't mean to sound like a bitch - but usually shortly after he starts just letting me down and I feel like crap because I started trusting him in that sense... and so... I can't let this get to me. I like not expecting anything, because then it feels like it's so much more... but at the same time it's like... he should be doing this anyway and it shouldn't be a big deal. I don't know. Maybe I'm just truly a woman and just can't make up my mind. I don't know. Sometimes... I just feel crazy.
I was disappointed on not being able to find out the sex of the baby. I went in just thinking "this is it, we'll know" and walking out almost cursing at the baby for crossing their legs LOL. well not really... but ya know. But she did say that my placenta is very low and unless it rises it could be candidate for a C-section. So, depending what the doctor wants to know later - I may get another ultrasound, etc. But it was neat seein' the baby for the 1st time. Such an amazing thing this life is.
Well.. that's it.
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