Current Music: Cocaine Skin by Broken Social Scene
So Easter is tomorrow and I think we're going to have a wonderful meal. My mom, Uncle Don, his Wife Vicky, his son Jacob, my Papa, Carl and us will all be in our home for our 1st Easter. Didn't ever see that coming in the last year - but I guess I never thought of events like this... but they are wonderful, even when they are with Mike's family. I am sometimes torn between the families, trying to please everyone, and I know ultimately - that's what Mike tries to do too but sometimes people get hurt because we're human, and because we are that, we are attached to those people and can be hurt too. Of course, this is my clear thinking, get me in that situation and I'm just hurt and mad - haha. But at the end of the day, I always have the best time and it had been time well spent - never wasted. That's the thing with family - is that with friends, they disappoint you and you can always thing "man, coulda done something better" - or at least that's my experience with some of my friends, even my true friends I consider as family sometimes... But with family, despite the disappointments or hurt - it's time well spent. So anyway - we're having 8 lbs of Chuck Roast that we're beginning to cook here in about 30 minutes, should be yummy! My mom helped out money wise, but honestly, I think we could have handled it but I appreciate it. Then we're serving fresh fruit (strawberries, bananas, grapes, cantaloupe, watermelon, and something else...), green bean casserole, hot rolls and Pinot Noir/Grape Juice. Then my uncle is bringing some potatoes, my mom is bringing doubled eggs and has three Kathy's Pies (the best) - Strawberry Rhubarb, Peach, and my favorite, Chocolate Silk. Sounds amazing! Super excited!
Mike asked if he could come sleep in bed two nights ago... When I had already invited him days ago, and even was emotionally torn when day after day he'd choose downstairs. That just hurt... He didn't want to be close to me, even if that meant sitting close to me if that meant he had to move (as my back hurts). As a woman, I want to be close, whether it's physically or emotionally - I was getting neither - especially after I told him that if he "needed" sex as a man... That I wasn't getting what I needed from him and how can I want to give myself to him for his needs if I don't feel connected...? He never didn't answer that - of course I was on a rage of emotion and hurt and madness.... I wouldn't answer me either, but I'd try to make it better... and it hasn't been, and it's sad because he's leave for school for a week on Sunday night. But ever since an argument last weekend (we've fought three weekends in a row now...), he's been doing better with communicating with me about Lucas and what he plans to do, etc. It's helped me a lot more to not be mad at him.
My back still hurts. I looked on a diagram and read up on it and it's my Sciatic nerve and it effects my hips, butt, leg, ankles and feet. I haven't done much work today and don't understand why it hurts so bad tonight... It's even hard going to the bathroom or getting up from sitting. Crazy. Good thing I go Monday to Physical Therapy. We'll see what we can do there... And I am soo excited that in 5 days we'll know the sex of the new baby!!! I haven't even really considered it being a boy, I really think it's a girl but I want another boy but now it's so weird - haha!
Life is getting better slowly, and I'm taking one day at a time - or I try to. If it wasn't Easter Sunday tomorrow and I had to get ready for Easter Lunch then I think I'd be up to going to church alone (or with Mike, if he got up), but on that note, he got up great today, before 10am, I was very pleased.
Jesus is the reason for ALL seasons
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