Here It Comes... {December 22, 2009}

Here comes the wintery storm, supposedly. Three days of snow and the whole week getting colder by the day. I'm not a huge fan of winter, or snow, or cold; but boy is it beautiful. I love the light snow late at night. My mom, grandma and I used to go for walks and at the time I didn't appreciate it and now I miss it. The time spent with my mom and my Granny. But now she's gone and my brother is too and I have my own family that I can drag along with me if I'd wish. Okay, well maybe not this year considering Lucas is 7 months old today... but come later years. I actually look forward to that.

Lucas began really crawling last night. Moving both his legs and arms to move forward. I have never really had to watch him on the floor, but last night was interesting, and a lil annoying. But boy, that boy can move but as he has become to like the camera, he doesn't want to show the camera he can actually crawl. Just scoots. That's alright, I still love him and I am so grateful to be able to be at home and watch him learn these new things. He is still an amazing, happy little boy who loves everyone.

I'm a bit hurt and disappointed about Christmas. Mike said that this year we could spend more time with my mom for Christmas (and not hog me/Lucas to his family) and that has totally flipped. We're going to Cedar Falls (depending on weather now...) so early that my mom doesn't want to spend Christmas and her feelings were hurt and though Mike says that he feels he tries to please everyone it's so hard to see that he's trying to please my family or me. That sounds selfish. But you look at my perspective and you see that he's being selfish and we talked about it and he realizes it's selfish too (so I'm not crazy after all!). So next year... we are spending Christmas morning with my mom. I just am disappointed and hurt myself. I have sacrificed a lot this past year... Changed my whole life and even partially forgotten who Deserae really is when she's alone or in a crowded room and I just want some normal in my life. Something I know to be true. And I'm just trying to adapt to this new, huge, loving family that I'm not exactly used to... It's just different and hard. But as his wife I am trying to go along with it and not take things as personal because I know Mike loves me and he treats me well, so I should look past all this.

My friend Jas and I (yeah, I'm calling her my friend again?) planned a get together at Volume Jan 8th to get together with some middle school friends that we were super close to and catch up. For those under 21 we'll go out to eat before hand. Just another night to maybe find a piece of myself. Mike wont be there and I realize though he doesn't like the music or people that I need to make myself realize that I'm not two different people and my spouse should be included in that life if it's going to become habit. I guess it feels like the only 'out' for me. But anyway, hopefully all will show and it'll be a good night. I've really missed that girl Jas, so I asked her not to bring her boyfriend - or husband - or anyone really... who knows with that girl... so I can have her to myself and it'll be like a girls night out how it once was a long time ago. Maybe I'm nieve, because her boyfriend and her aren't doing very well and she's moving back to CR and she'll probably hook up with some other guy and fall in love within a week... "The more things change, the more things stay the same."

Watching the two boys of Heathers is alright. I mostly get Riley, he's about two or three. He's learning that I'm strict but fun and he can't push me over. Going over to their house with Lucas isn't too bad, we both just need to wake up earlier than we have to be there on time and get Heather up and help her out. Hopefully I'll be getting paid for this soon, but she's been helping us along as well. It's hard to take things from people when all you're really doing is trying to help... but if it's going to be more regular then sure I'll take money.. and not from her, from the State. So that works. She only lives like 8 minutes away.

So Merry Christmas. I need to make Lucas a snow outfit that actually fits him...

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!